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| -*-* Yearning *-*- With the yearning passions of an immortal Number of women, She looked out upon the innocent dusk, That time flied was an understatement, The purse of her emotions drew memories like coins, Currencies from a lifetime of bartering, Always to gain something As if the very definition of losing oneself, Love – that thing which all life is measured by, Not wealth, not work, but affection ruled the sum-total Of the looking back upon youth, Which inflicts us in our middle age, With a yearning that comes from not finding, A labyrinth of loneliness stretched out In-between the occasional lovers and humble Acts of kindness, whose meanings escape notice, Only the sensuality between worlds within and without, An interplay of hope in faces come and gone, That gods that dwell in reverie, dwell in these wishes. | | |
| There is this new cat who graces our presence at our new home, we call her SilverTips, although many names are competing against that name! My Mom is going to my brother's so I will get some space, although I do love her dearly, sometimes the place seems a bit small for 3 people. My abnormal exam went alright, the perfect summer course I Should say, I have to get 3web, I need internet at home! I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in ages, I feel proud and achy. Hmm, nothing much more to say. | | |
| Renting a U-haul, moving 2 people for 60 dollars, it doesn't get much better than that, moving boxes over 160 levels of stairs, repetitions times repetitions, well, I almost felt professional. The new place is glorious, 2 balconies, cheap cheap, with a beautiful roomate to boot! Still, I kinda hope she doesn't find this blog, it's private. She said I was 'being aloof' recently, which bascially means I saw 2 other of my friends! I've been a hermit since my grandmother died, trying to get past it... Anyhow, the 27th was an amazing day! 272-0291 | | |
| Hey there! Yes it was nice to get some replies. I've been very apathetic this week, it's like, whenever I'm around my Mom I feel so 'chill' (haven't seen her in years), so this week has been like this 'last gasp vacation week'. I have a move on the 27th, also be missing first day of summer class. I've felt lazy, anti-social, sentimental without love-objects and the rest. Yes, I most certainly do need pep talks of varying degrees, or maybe a kick in the rear, but nobody does that - mainly because I'm too old and kinda a rebel, or well, stubborn, I don't listen to advice - are you kidding me??? lol. The only real person I'm close to these days is the one I'm supposed to be having a 'relationship' with. Sometimes I wonder what exactly it's supposed to be. She's an amazing person, but there are all kinds of funny issues, and it's not like it's even worth communicating to her, because I have to learn to be more casual and 'go with the flow' which is pretty hard for me, because I'm quite an intense person. Emotional and winy, I have to curb it godammit. It's been really nice living with my brother, his bf, my Mom - it's been a really fun week in a leisure pure leisure sort of way! But I also feel guilty for not actually doing anything productive. I also haven't written any poetry, which I try to do as often as I get a chance to. I realize I have this annoying tendency to start paragraphs with 'I', I mean am I really so self-involved? I guess I am. Frankly, I think I'm a very selfish center, probably immature and a bit of an escapist, this doesn't necessarily make me a 'bad person' granted, by I'm my own worst enemy, and I never knew that I could be such a good enemy. I have this streak that self-sabotages the good things I get, and well, I'm hardly ever really content with what I do get! So grow up, Michael! | | |
| Today I was reading somebody's blog and it had an elaborate bio on it of her life. I found myself really envious, envious of the experiences she had chosen, the way it shaped her, how she became all that she wanted to be...it makes me wonder if my life is really just confused and sorta aimless, content in just surviving, striving for comfort in emotional situations which don't really bring any true stability. There are these times I feel like such a failure, lacking amibition, drive, - PASSION! The human condition in me involves me either feeling depressed or flighty, nothing so much inbetween. Manic, hmm, maybe. It's like all I am, all I own, all that is me is right here in my consciousness of the week - but you know, that's not the real me, I'm identifying with not my true self. and It bugs me. | | |
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